My non-resolutions, reflections & abundant blog post

, by Zoë Gulliksen

It is January 3rd, and I did not do my recap of 2011 post nor the introduction to 2012 post I was planning on doing. I was extremely upset over this fact until I realized something rather substantial: its only a blog. Its only the internet. Nobody is going to care that I did not do these things. Because the internet is a primary factor in my life, I tend to stress over staying in touch with digital world.

However, for the past couple of days I have avoided being online and actually focused on what was in front of me. 

I rang in the new year watching movies and eating great food with my favorite people in my favorite city. I spent January 1st with my boyfriend drinking tea in Central Park, visiting the hotel where my current writing piece takes place, shopping & having lunch at a diner by Carnegie Hall. I did not write my blog posts.

January 2nd I spent the whole day watching over 20 episodes of How I Met Your Mother and cleaning out my room. My room is often called "the coolest room I have ever seen" by the rare people lucky enough to see it. @MarioPrime & @Poni_boy can verify this for you. However, I had to throw out/ recycle a lot of things because along with all my cool things, I have a lot of junk. I threw out things I didn't need and I also went through all the boxes under my bed. I did not write my blog posts.

I have always had a fear of people forgetting about me. In turn this led me to promise to not forget about the people that once meant something to me. So I had saved every note my best friends or boyfriends in high school gave me. Ticket stubs from plays, Valentines Day Cards, stuffed animals, school papers, odds & ends that reminded me of people. But these boxes grew out of hand and I had to reevaluate their importance. 

Keeping these physical things were not going to make these people mean something to me now or in the future. The things I remember about my past now are really the only things that matter, none of the other stuff. When was the last time I read all the notes from the boys in high school? When is the next time I'm going to? Do I really want to take these things with me when I move to New York after college? Hell. No. 

So I threw them all out. It was sort of sad but mostly rewarding. I no longer had this ridiculous fear that if I held onto people, they would somehow be cosmically forced to remember me.

Today I spent the day in the city with Pietro (@poni_boy) who I work with and who is also my boyfriend. So those of you who keep bugging me about having a boyfriend anonymously can finally calm the hell down. My being happy in a relationship should not make you depressed nor give you the right to give me grief. Get over yourself. Go obsess over a different girl you've never met on the internet. 

Carrying on. Today, January 3rd, I spent the day in Manhattan to interview Ti West, the director of a new horror film The Innkeepers and the leading actress Sara Paxton. You might recognize Paxton from previous shows such as random Disney Channel stuff, that Discovery Kids show Darcy's Wildlife, movies that include Shark Night 3D, Aquamarine and other things. Ti West directs horror films such as The House of the Devil.  We were able to just sit at a table with with them for a half hour talking about a lot of different things. The transcript will be up on the site soon.  

It was freezing in the city. Its frustrating to spend so much time in a place where you want to live but have to go home to Jersey at the end of the day. However, this will be the year (knock on wood) that I move to New York finally. 

2012 was always the year that I finally graduated from college and started having a real life. 2012 was that far away year since 2004 where I would be done with school forever. Now that its actually here, its terrifying. The past two years of my life have been a huge change for me, but this will be the biggest change of all. I just hope that I can be the best person I can be while living out this hectic life I have in store for. And so, I will list out my ways (not resolutions) on how I plan on accomplishing being a better version of myself. I plan:

To write: 
I am a Creative Writing major. I have a novella that's outlined and a lot of it written already. I need to focus on finishing this since I plan on spending most of my life being a novelist. 

To take better care of myself:
I have always been rather awful at taking care of myself physically. I love junk food and I don't always take my contacts out when I go to sleep. (Okay, I only take them out when my eyes are burning, which is three days too late). After being in a new relationship for 6 months, I gained the infamous new relationship 10 pounds. I managed to avoid the freshman 15 but now I succumbed to this mess. In my own defense Pietro loves really amazing Italian food! And New York $1 pizza is seriously the tastiest option for cheap ass people. However, this is no longer acceptable. I'm unhappy with the way I look and I plan on (healthily) loosing this puppy fat by a.) only watching tv if I'm working out on my elliptical machine b.) eat proper food c.) keep track of said food by using the MyFitnessPal app for the iPhone. My user name is Bookishbelle, friend me so we can peer pressure each other and secretly judge each other when someone eats cake. ;) 

To further venture outside my comfort zone:
In the past two years I have traveled very far outside my comfort zone, and it has only brought incredible things into my life. But its still difficult, after spending 19 years as an introvert. I am still terribly bookish, people terrify me, and I'd rather stay in bed with a book than do practically everything else. But if I am to live a life as exciting as the books I read then I need to continue to put myself out there, which leads into..

To have more confidence in myself:
I am also very self aware of hurting other people's feelings. I worry about letting others down, causing disappointment, and pissing people off. I take things very personal because I expect other people to care about things as much as I do. However I have finally learned that this is not the case. I need to grow thicker skin and not worry so much about other people. 

To not worry so much:
Due to my stress over other people, I'm am a very anxious person. If you are awake after 3am, you might see the anxiety/insomniac tweet from me. I need to relax more. I also need to relax more with my relationships with other people. With my friends, my coworkers, my family and my boyfriend. If I make the decision to be with someone, I need to accept them one hundred percent. They will not change, and if I want them in my life, I need to let certain things go. Because when it comes down to it, I either accept them for who they are or leave. And I dont want to leave, so I have to stop having so much fucking anxiety over something I cannot change.

To keep a better blog:
The reason I started this blog was because I wanted to connect myself with my internet friends more. The reason I read the blogs I do is because I like reading the insight into other people's lives. The motivation why most of us follow each other on twitter is because we like reading about what our friends are doing. I once read somewhere that the real reason why we read books is because we are nosey about other people's lives, be them fictional or not. And this is true. We want to know how other people are feeling, what they are experiencing, and if we have the same emotions in common. We read to find we are not alone. 

So this year I will try to keep a more personal blog, because those are the blogs that I find people connect with the most. It will be difficult finding the line between keeping it personal and still being able to keep the important things private. My friends and family do not need their whole lives broadcasted on the internet (and nor do I). I promise to try to give you an excellent reading experience as long as YOU promise to try to not be assholes about it, alright internet?

To end on a good note, check out the shirt I'm sleeping in tonight:



My favorite Marvel superheros on ONE SHIRT! And with that, I bid you all a good night =)

Tootles =)



2 comments:

  1. I like your resolutions. You're on the horizon of great things, Zoe!

    And you 'get over it' message to the boyfriend-obsessed anons totally made me giggle.

    PS, how do I get your 'e' accent? Is there a shortcut? I'm too lazy to search through menus.

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  2. "My being happy in a relationship should not make you depressed nor give you the right to give me grief. Get over yourself. Go obsess over a different girl you've never met on the internet."

    AMEN.

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